Dear self,
I have been thinking a lot about you lately. We’ve been so busy with all the day to day happenings, coming and going, that I thought I’d take a moment to pause and reflect on our relationship as I’m starting to see how important my relationship with my self really is to my happiness and how I am in the world. I speak from my heart as I want nothing more for you, self, to live the fullest life. We all have that potential within us.
I’m finding that I don’t really know what you need from me. I’m not sure I’ve ever really asked. I’ve just assumed you are getting what you want because you seem like you’re doing well. I’m starting to notice that you have moments in time where you are hard on yourself, where you are seeking love from the external to fill some void, and when your light seems dimmed. Then there are other times that you are joyful, abundant, and oozing happy. I want to see you like that more of the time. As I’m not fully sure what it means to love you, self, I think this will be continual exploration as we walk our path together. I am starting to gather some guiding principals, however, that I think might be useful.
First, I want to tell you how I feel about you. I think you have so many great qualities. You’re beautiful and fun and creative and kind. I could go on about you for hours but what I really want you to know is that I see the light and love that is within you. Your light shines out of you into all that you do. Your interaction with others, your job, your family, your creations. Most importantly, I know that your light still shines when you are in a darker place. It’s still there and I see it. So when you are sad, or when you act out on your past hurts, or you say things you later regret, I know that you are doing your best. I meet you with compassion and love. I also see your daily effort to blossom into the fullest version of yourself. You do this in your own way; yoga, meditation, mindfulness, studying, connecting, writing, listening, reflecting. Know that I see you continuing to get closer to the real you and your tenacity is great. But you are still marvelous at every step along the journey, you don’t need to be at any “perfect” version of you to be worthy of love.
Now I know that this might be hard for you to hear, that you are so adored and loved, even with your imperfections. I know that you have deep wounds from your youth that get in the way. But I feel like if I can keep shining that light of awareness on this truth, it will soon be so real it won’t have to be spoken. It’s hard when you grew up trying to be perfect in order to feel loved. It’s hard to let go of that. And there is that injured part of you wanting to be safe enough to come out. That is the part of you that knows you are worthy of unconditionally love. It’s okay if that part of you stays hidden for a while as the burn of conditional love seeps deeply. It can be healed and you are deserving of feeling what if feels like to be unconditionally loved, it will come, dear one. The amazing thing is that you actually already are loved when you are “perfect” and when you are not, you just don’t see it all the time. You can let go of trying to be what you think others want you to be so they will love you. What you really want is people who love you for who you are, all of what you are. So be that “all of you” version of you and see how you feel and who notices. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised. And know that I love you for everything that you are now, in this moment, and in every moment.
All this talk about how I feel about you and the things I see in you is important, don’t get me wrong, but the beauty comes when I start acting in a way that embodies these feelings. I’d like to show you that I can talk the talk AND walk the walk. Here are some things I see that I can improve upon so that I can really show you how much I love you, self. When criticism of you arises, I will breath and sprinkle that with compassion and love. I will be gentle with you, knowing you are doing your best. I am going to focus on practices that foster self-love and self-care. I will continue to take care of our body so that it is healthy and strong. I will fill our time on this earth with things that make you feel good, on purpose and alive. You know that feeling when you are beaming, when it feels like the stars are aligned and you are radiant? Let’s notice what contributes to that feeling and create more of that in your life. Fuel your passions, explore your gifts, find ways you are expressing the biggest brightest you. Part of that means noticing what things in your life bring you down, make you feel constricted, hurt you. I know you tend to take on the responsibility for your own perspective and thoughts and that’s great. But realize that there are those things in your life that brighten you as well as those that dull you. Shift into surrounding yourself with more of those bright things. Look around, they are everywhere. If something doesn’t make you feel good, intuitively, emotionally, or physically, you can examine what is happening inwardly, but don’t let it keep smothering you. This is one of the best gifts I can give you, my self, protecting you from that which doesn’t serve you and helping you see what does.
Self, I really think that if you can love yourself more and more, the more you can love others and receive love from others. Self love can heal wounds of neglect and judgement and heartache. So treat yourself with love and compassion at every step of the journey, every moment of the day. Keep asking the questions. How do I feel? What do I need right now? How can I be kinder and gentler to myself? Part of this is being aware of what you need as you are SO used to making sure others needs are met that you sometimes don’t even know what you need. It’s okay to ask for what you need because I want to give it to you.
I hope that this helps you see how much I love you and all the things that there is to love about you. I wish you a life rich with happiness, joy and meaning.
You are radiant being and I love you so deeply,
Me, Myself and I
